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Feeling guilty for lack of busy?

Between gymnastics practices and invitationals, swim meets, birthday parties and a prepping for a late family Christmas celebration for my husband’s family; it has been a busy week.  My husband and I’ve been back from vacation for a mere 5 weeks and already I feel like I could use another one!  Not sure why Mid-westerners feel like we need to work all the time, busy, busy, busy.  What exactly are we busy about?

Friday afternoon, my husband and I grabbed lunch and I asked when he thought I should go back to work.  What a funny question to ask, since I’ve really not been off for very long and clearly hadn’t accomplished what I set out to do in my leave of absence.  He nicely commented that I must be struggling with the lack of structure from my very  scheduled work life with guests at the salon.  This may be why I feel like if I am not accomplishing all I need to, I must be misusing my time and not being efficient.  How often do I feel guilty for not being busy?  The answer is, really, most of the time.  Why am I incapable of not taking down time at work or in my home.  Is it because there is always something to be done and I don’t like ‘being behind’ or is it because I like to take that time to ‘get or plan ahead’ so I can take a break later.  It might go back to purposely creating chaos, for if there is order I’m uncertain of what to do.

I did some watercolor painting late Thursday and Friday evening as my almost 13 year old daughter has been really interested in this medium lately.  Watercolor doesn’t seem like real painting to me, just have never been a fan of it, I prefer lots of color and mixable pigments that create their own texture.  As it turns out watercolor isn’t so bad after all.  In fact, its kind of fun to play with.  Painting has always provided me with quiet meditation time to reflect on my actions and thought processes.  And although no clear answers have been reached as to what it is that I need to do or why I feel guilty for taking ‘me’ time, I did create a beautiful painting!  It is clear that creating seems to fit both ‘me’ time and productive time and I clearly don’t feel guilty about it AT ALL.  I can paint all day and feel like I’ve been productive; it also provides an expressive outlet that can have an effect on others when they view it.  Seems like a win, win for all.  Maybe there is a right kind of BUSY for me after all.