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ME and energy

After reading Doreen Virtue’s, “Don’t Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle: How to break free of Negativity and Drama,” I was left with a hunger to research more deeply into why some of us seem to get caught up in a vicious cycle of dramatic events.  It may seem drama finds us!  It is clear that our subconscious minds may be directly at fault.

My current read, written by Alexander Loyd, PhD ND and Ben Johnson, MD, DO, NMD entitled, “The Healing Code: 6 Minutes to Heal the Source of Your Health, Success, or Relationship Issue,” has me reeling in positive energy.  I’ve personally owned my copy since 2011, but only had skimmed through the pages.  When putting away my Christmas items, I scanned my bookshelf to see what I’ve accomplished and there it was; screaming at me to pick it up and READ.  I believe there is a Higher Power responsible for this happening and credit my life’s current state of healing to that Higher Power!

Let me take you back a few years to understand how I felt a few short months ago and why I am doing what I am.  I could only go so long spread thinly, over-stressed, mentally and physically exhausted, sad, angry, bitter, jealous and helpless.  Feeling like I was divided into so many bits, none of which were getting the amount of time/energy they required to be satisfactory.  I desperately wanted my faith and my family to come first; sadly they were relegated to whatever energy I could muster.  How the heck did I get into this mess in the first place?!  I felt like I spent the previous six or seven years just scraping by.

In 2011 I was an accident in which I rolled a truck several times at 40-50 MPH and escaped with very minor injuries and if there ever is a reason to believe you have a purpose on this earth, a brush with death can absolutely confirm your existence.  Who has time to think about dealing with that emotion when you haven’t the time or energy?  At this same time, my mother that had been previously diagnosed with Dementia was declining, requiring my sister and I to spend countless hours and numerous days necessitating her needs and wishes, eventually having to find her placement in an assisted living center because neither of us were capable of appropriately caring for her many needs.  Yet, during this time other priorities were many; two children, a husband who happened to be building a business and a full time career of my own.  My physical health suffered to the point where I was experiencing such terrible pain physically due to herniated discs; I simply could not function physically at all.  There were times I thought I cannot possibly go on and not sure how I did.  (Thank God for his understanding through this.)  How am I going to be there for my family if I’m unable to move?  My negative thoughts dictated everything I did.  My situation was dire at times and my husband could attest to it.  I felt great shame in feeling this way, I was a Christian after all and didn’t know what to do about it.

I discovered that talking with my close family and friends was difficult to do simply because most didn’t understand or hadn’t experienced what I was going through.  Time itself was a demon.  It seemed oblivious to me and I of it.  There was not enough me to go around, so in order to try and cope I shortened my work load.  My husband picked up the pieces of our family life with the kids so I could run at the drop of a hat to aid my mother.  My career became a creative outlet and source of personal esteem, even though I wasn’t able to perform at my best.  I could channel my positive energy into making others look good but at the same time it was keeping me from acknowledging I needed positive energy for myself.  Lord knows, I didn’t have the strength to take care of my own needs.

My mother eventually passed in 2014 and shortly after my godmother required assistance as she entered 85 years of life .  Exchanging caring for one to caring for another.  Caring for the aging is as exhausting as it is rewarding and I know what an emotional toll it takes. I actually think I became addicted to needing to care for someone.  Thank goodness I recognized this fact.  I am extremely grateful to have experienced their final years with them.  I learned so much during that time.  (Things that will guide me on my healed journey in assisting others as they navigate this path, with the ability to show them it is difficult to choose between aging parents and relatives, kids or husbands, taking time for yourself.)  I was unconsciously keeping busy to avoid dealing with all of  the emotions.  Add that to children’s activities and friends, a husband’s business changing and growing very quickly, along with a career servicing others.  (Fake it till you make it is a slogan I’ve grown to live by as a stylist.)

I purchased this particular book during that time hoping to find an answer to a myriad of personal questions regarding my emotional and physical health.  I really wanted to change.  What I now know was I had to choose myself in order to heal and change.  I wasn’t mature enough to say, ‘YES’ to myself.  I cannot believe how odd it sounded to audibly speak those words so I could move forward.  Then, equally as difficult to share that information with so many people that relied on me, or my services in their lives.  I was deeply blessed to know that they cared enough and were happy I was finally doing this!  What??

I thought I was alone in feeling these emotions and it dawned on me that I’ve always had the capability to get through, I needed to lean on the Higher Power and CHOOSE healing!!  Now getting back to this great book,  if you are a believer in a Higher Power and that everything is composed of energy, this book is extremely enlightening!

We really only are aware of about 10% of why we do what we do, why we think what we think, etc.  The other 90% of how and why make up our subconscious minds.  NO wonder we feel like a hamster stuck on a wheel of drama.  Our bodies have been programmed to operate based on whatever memories we have stored in our subconscious.  Not only that, but quantum physics would have us believe that if there is no beginning or end to an energy wave, our past family members energy is stored directly in our very own DNA!  Have you ever wondered why diseases and likeness travel through generations?  Scientists have proven it.  Check out quantum physics, it is truly amazing!

As I learn to eliminate negative energy from my own body, I am becoming more aware mentally of so many things.  Why I felt the emotions I did, why I needed to guard myself during stressful times.  Why I am able to move past these emotions now.  Things are so incredibly clear.  I have felt energy my whole life in most everything when I choose to pay attention. I have known since I was a young girl that deep within me that energy can help or harm.  Sadly, I had turned this ability off for the past several years and I am so happy to be moving forward in hopes to inspire and heal myself and bring positive energy to others.

For the first time in a long time, I am excited about what my future holds. Being blessed with a generous God, having a beautiful family, creating memories in a home that my husband and I dreamed of.  I get misty eyed just thinking about all the blessings that have been awarded us, it sometimes saddened me that I didn’t have the positive energy to appreciate the blessings I have!  So many more opportunities await, so many more people I will be blessed to call friends.  I am loving believing in myself and my gifts with the ability to share with others.  Let that positive energy keep flowing!!