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Closure

Why does this word conjure negative connotations?  There seem to be so many things we need closure from as humans.  Projects, jobs, family events, painful experiences and death.  Do we ever feel that we need closure on positive experiences to move forward…or to advance even further forward, or is it merely the raw emotion of heartbreak and loss that only awards us this process?

Moving forward seems to be less effortless when we obtain closure specifically related to experiences we endure.  It often requires a physical act to receive the necessary shift in perspective to move in another direction.  Perhaps in shifting our perspective even more, we could view these closures to traumatic experiences as a healing for our soul, a re-birth that will propel us forward.  In so much as to award struggle with victory.

I’ve spent a good portion of my last couple years asking many questions of myself.  Why is it difficult for me to relate to others?  Why do I feel like I’ve shut off my emotions, especially when it comes to death and dying?  Why do I have a lack of patience for individuals who seem to require attention for what I deem as frivolous?  So often I’ve been told that I’ve experienced so much in such a little time.  Maybe it makes others feel better to outwardly express that to me and that’s fine, if it offers closure to them.  Why do I feel as though I don’t require any more closure for what I’ve experienced?  I think I needed to allow that closure to heal my heart and soul.  It’s not necessarily going to happen over night, in fact the process of grieving itself takes a different amount of time in everyone.  I’m discovering that the process of allowing myself to heal is the most wonderful experience, and it isn’t more closure that I needed at all.  It affords me insight into others and their grief, something that I would have avoided like the plaque 20 years ago; now I am comfortable talking about those emotions and this closure process with others.

Allowing myself to experience all of the emotions is a part of my closure to these traumatic experiences; giving myself permission to move forward beyond and share what I’ve learned is the healing portion that I had been seeking!  I am so blessed that I can offer hope to others who have experienced even greater loss than myself in knowing that a purpose remains that is stronger than the struggle or loss.  It’s called victory.

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Heart and Mind Choice

I hear more and more people complaining about their circumstances, others circumstances thus mastering the negativity that seems to surround us daily. I was one of those people once, not giving regard to who or what I may have affected with my comments and actions.  I still catch myself from time to time participating in this outward spread of negative dis-ease!  It isn’t okay to project that kind of energy on anyone, even ourselves.  The choice we make regarding our own thoughts, words and deeds projects outwardly…imagine how much of this takes place and what affect it has on the immediate circumstances around us.

Today as I glanced through a post on a local TV station’s reported story, I observed a deluge of unkind commentary.  Entitled to your opinion, you say?  Rude comments regarding the subject of the story, idiotic rants about the reporting of events,  bashing other commentators, pointing fingers and hypothesizing about the person being reported on…seriously, what good can come of any of this nonsense.

Go ahead and make foolish talk, rant if you must and breed bad in others, all the while I will feel sorry for you and your need to condone your own thoughts and behaviors however horrible they may be.

I’m choosing the promotion of positive energy.  By choosing good thoughts, words and deeds we will certainly cast some light on this pervasive wake of darkness being hurled at us daily.  Choose to guard your heart and mind, it all starts there.

 

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Feeling guilty for lack of busy?

Between gymnastics practices and invitationals, swim meets, birthday parties and a prepping for a late family Christmas celebration for my husband’s family; it has been a busy week.  My husband and I’ve been back from vacation for a mere 5 weeks and already I feel like I could use another one!  Not sure why Mid-westerners feel like we need to work all the time, busy, busy, busy.  What exactly are we busy about?

Friday afternoon, my husband and I grabbed lunch and I asked when he thought I should go back to work.  What a funny question to ask, since I’ve really not been off for very long and clearly hadn’t accomplished what I set out to do in my leave of absence.  He nicely commented that I must be struggling with the lack of structure from my very  scheduled work life with guests at the salon.  This may be why I feel like if I am not accomplishing all I need to, I must be misusing my time and not being efficient.  How often do I feel guilty for not being busy?  The answer is, really, most of the time.  Why am I incapable of not taking down time at work or in my home.  Is it because there is always something to be done and I don’t like ‘being behind’ or is it because I like to take that time to ‘get or plan ahead’ so I can take a break later.  It might go back to purposely creating chaos, for if there is order I’m uncertain of what to do.

I did some watercolor painting late Thursday and Friday evening as my almost 13 year old daughter has been really interested in this medium lately.  Watercolor doesn’t seem like real painting to me, just have never been a fan of it, I prefer lots of color and mixable pigments that create their own texture.  As it turns out watercolor isn’t so bad after all.  In fact, its kind of fun to play with.  Painting has always provided me with quiet meditation time to reflect on my actions and thought processes.  And although no clear answers have been reached as to what it is that I need to do or why I feel guilty for taking ‘me’ time, I did create a beautiful painting!  It is clear that creating seems to fit both ‘me’ time and productive time and I clearly don’t feel guilty about it AT ALL.  I can paint all day and feel like I’ve been productive; it also provides an expressive outlet that can have an effect on others when they view it.  Seems like a win, win for all.  Maybe there is a right kind of BUSY for me after all.

 

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Today IS a new day

How often do we wake up with fire in our eyes and swift feet with a notion to accomplish great things?  More often than not, I wake up scrambling to shut off the alarm clock so I can achieve 10 more minutes of non-sleep before I choose to stumble down two flights of stairs and encourage my two teenagers in their morning routines.  Making a stop in the kitchen to get my coffee on, then caffeine can force my brain to function on all cylinders and open my eyes a little wider!

Truth be told, I know that if I set my intentions the evening before to wake feeling rested and have a plan for my day the morning routine will seem far less chaotic.  I’m still implementing some ideas from, “Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle” by Doreen Virtue, a great simple read with self-improving suggestions to allow yourself to “break free from Negativity & Drama.”  It is amazing to find out that we really create our own chaos out of pure addiction.  I had no idea that I was inherently addicted to stress hormones!  Adrenaline, cortisol and histamine all are highly addictive.  So much so, that when stress addicts become ‘bored’ they create their own drama which triggers these hormones to be secreted!  WHAT???

In addition to creating your own drama, food and drink are encouraging the production of these hormones without your consent! (Except you ate or drank them, that is!)  Craving something??  You guessed it, probably just needing another boost of histamine!  This was mind boggling to me.  Eating cleaner (not processed and purer or organic) will definitely help, but certain foods themselves actually increase hormone production.  I’m talking all of the things that I love that I thought were good for me.  (Spinach, citrus, pineapple, most nuts, avocados, bananas, carob, chocolate, coffee, black tea, peaches, seeds, strawberries, tomatoes, shellfish, vinegar, red wine and yogurt just to name a few)

A change in one’s lifestyle can be overwhelming but with practice, just like most things, will get easier and eventually become the norm.  By simply starting my day by rising when my alarm goes off, enjoying a glass of water and stating my intentions of success I’ve purposefully eliminated morning chaos and created a solid platform for a wonderful NEW day.